Gritting my teeth, I can begin to admit
I have been struggling
In the first half of this year
I got bruised by my own undoing
Whittled so brittle
On cold spring afternoons

And you have been a salve
The gentle warmth of a grounded voice
Through cheap headphones
Brimming with sweet greetings
Quick with earthy encouragements
Easing me down cracked pavements

Your presence, your message...

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I kick away the leaves
uncover the carved stones
And reading your names again
I let those feelings flood in

The two of you rest together
laid deep beneath the earth
There’s a tree that grows above you
and here’s me, treading my own winter

Life was in wealth, awhile
but I’ve been chasing that warmth 
for three decades now
I’m tired and my body aches

There will be fireworks tonight
...

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Five years of cobwebs
decorate the hallway box
more dust at rest
fills the urn within it
that used to be your father...

Don’t look and it won’t hurt
don’t look and it won’t hurt

Your brother’s been drinking
on a fifteen year bender
so quick to lose his temper
if you ask too many questions
a snake prone upon his shoulder

Don’t look and it won’t hurt
don’t look and it won’t hurt

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In the grate, the shivering flames
hungrily wrap their lips around logs
The boards above me creek
my wife haunting somewhere
the baby's hands reach out
wave before its sleeping eyes

The wind is howling...

The smiles on our faces as we galloped down the aisle
making sense of scattered photograph moments
but I can't remember why
can't think of anything but waiting
and doing everything...

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Tunnelling in the dirt below my feet
I've been digging here all week
carving this hollow so deep
today, I hit bone

This is heavier work than I imagined
surveyed the ground from beyond the fence
And we both agreed that this was right
but now the toil is breaking me apart

As a new day rises
I'm bawling in the shower
never knew I could feel this pain
with the taps turned up to ten
nev...

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