There’s a Viking Warrior around the back

With a multi-tool and a Power Pack

Keeps nuts and bolts in a padlocked sack

He’s a DIY Man, he’s building a shack

 

With his manic ScrewFix lust

He’ll transform that hedge into dust

It makes no odds, he’s not fussed

He’s a DIY Man, born to rust

 

He wears a John Deere branded shirt

Recharges himself when he feels inert

Watch out for the chainsaw, this will hurt

He’s a DIY Man, stay alert

 

He totes a jackhammer from De Walt

Keeps all his gear in a lead lined vault

Destroying concrete’s a binaural assault

He’s a DIY Man, nobody’s fault

 

Instruction manuals – talks like he wrote ‘em

Ways to stay safe – he likes to promote ‘em

Swing that strimmer, mind your scrotum

He’s a DIY Man, general factotum

 

At weekends he’s Attilla the Hun

With a cordless drill and a staple gun

Hiring a Kango’s his idea of fun

He’s a DIY Man, time to run

 

His drill bit’s smoking, it starts to smell

When he’s cranking up the decibels

Being in his proximity’s a Living Hell

He’s a DIY Man, can’t you tell?

 

 

He lives on the edge in his Hi Viz vest

He’s a No-Nails addict, he once confessed

He’s widely regarded as a bit of a pest

He’s a DIY Man, give it a rest

 

His Nirvana is a Husqvarna or a fossil fuelled Stihl

By the side of the bed he keeps a strimmer cord reel

When his glasses steam up he does it by feel

He’s a DIY Man, keeping it real

 

He lives for the crushing, rhythmic sound

Of the cement mixer turning round and round

And round and round and round and round

He’s a DIY Man, more lost than found

 

His battery’s Lithium, no need to check

He’s tanalised, just like his deck

His marriage is a total wreck

He’s a DIY Man, hold on a sec

 

There’s something wrong, an electrical arc

This high voltage stuff’s no walk in the park

He was hanging the lights, now it’s gone dark

He’s a DIY Man, no bright spark

 

Whilst he lacked application and aptitude at school

When it came to home maintenance he was nobody’s fool

He went out with a bang, broke his own Golden Rule

He was a DIY Man, the utimate tool