Ole Miss Myrtle: She didn't dress like all the rest,

She looked twee in dark Crimplene with a floral vest.

"I'm off," she would declare, garnering attention,

"To fulfil this shopping list's great expectation!"

 

Walking the two miles, alone, into town.

Smiling pleasantly, no sign of a frown.

wearing a black beret pulled to the front.

Her steps, marked with an occasional huff or grunt.

 

She bought some fine thread and a sewing pin,

A beginner's book on playing the mandolin,

Purchased a short-crust deep-filled cherry pie,

And enough skeins of wool to touch the sky,

 

She strolled around town in her consolation shoes,

Humming the march from the hit, 'Phantom of the Muse.'

The one that goes tee-tum, tee-tum, tee-tum, tum-tum.

There were words, but she had forgotten every one.

 

"I need brown bread and a big bag of bacon bites,

A feathered hat made from rare Himalayan kites."

Some brisket for a full-bodied, thick Irish stew,

And enough winter veg to feed not one, but two.

 

Whilst at the butcher's, she asked about vegan ham,

Some four-legged turkeys and fat-free lamb."

He blinked, confused, then he kindly replied,

"Madam, we are fresh out—let’s let that slide."

 

She asked the chemist, ‘cause she couldn’t see.

The bottle of her usual green spearmint tea.

"It helps my respiratory indigestion,

 Or maybe it’s for my mental decongestion."

 

At a small stall selling blue lavender products,

She needed a remedy for bedroom conduct.

"Something that will soothe an aggravated karma,

 And settle the lust in his downstairs pyjamas."

 

At the baker's, she bought some fancy cakes and bread.

To the ironmongers for some coffin lid lead,

Too heavy, the assistant in all good humour,

Said they would deliver next week, if not sooner.

 

Parcels gathered in: Sucking a butternut drop,

She told the driver, “Let me off at the next stop.”

In her armchair, she finally sat with a grin.

“My errands done— rest for now, for now I’m done in.”