I want the Nobel Prize

The one they give for Peace

I want the Nobel Prize

So give it to me please

It’s not that I’m needy,

Ignorant, profane

It’s just I need an ego massage

Now and again

 

Give me that fucking prize

It shouldn’t be a drama

You gave it Jimmy Carter, Mandela and Obama

Give me the prize

I’m feeling Presidential

Or I’ll push the nuclear button

With implications existential

 

Then you’ll all be laughing on the far side of your face

At the swift annihilation of the entire human race

So give me the Nobel Peace Prize

You know that it makes sense

Or you’ll all have to deal with the distressing consequence

 

OK said the committee you can have a Nobel Prize

But not for being a peacemaker, You’re not Tutu in disguise

You’re not Kissinger or Luther King

You’re not even Al Gore

 

So what the fuck are you giving me the Nobel Prize for?

 

It’s Not for Peace or literature

Nor chemistry, physics, medicine

Ghandi never got one, nor did Thomas Alva Edison

 

But you deserve a Nobel Prize

Not for wearing those too-long ties

Nor for being excessively good or wise

Nor failing to keep zipped your flies

Here’s your Nobel Prize

It’s the Nobel Prize - for Lies.