I sipped my coffee in the morning,
I stared at him
He stared at his phone
I stared off into space

Have you ever looked at your lover and thought he looks kind of familiar?
Have you sat in silence too tired to talk because if you dare speak it will turn into war?
Ever wondered who he actually is when you hear him on the phone at night?
Have you ever looked at him and realized
why your heart sinks when he walks out the door without saying goodbye?
Have you ever felt your chest crumble under your skin
When he turns his phone over but you've already seen the notification 
So you turn over and face the wall in bed at night,
You forgot who you are but he forgot to change his pin
You're not even sure if you want to know what he's hiding

Have you ever looked at him 
And thought 
"Who the fuck are you?"
But not in a good way 
In the way that the person I knew 
Would never inflict this pain 

See sometimes I miss my father, so I find a lover and he treats me like my father did my mother.
With fury and passion and carelessness.
Sometimes wholeheartedly, sometimes with emptiness.

He is two or three people in one
But mostly he loves me when i'm smiling
or just making him cum 
Sometimes I don't think he ever loved me at all
He comes home smelling of crimes and poor
of integrity and accountability 

I wash the day off with his dishes
And pack his lunch
We play house, but it stopped being fun
I sweep up the tension under our rug

When he started to cut me 
Took pieces of my flesh 
I took responsibility
Treated pain like a test

It was just compromise,
That's what I thought
But he just kept chipping away
Now I'm a corpse
He packed my power in a suitcase
When he walks out the door

So if you see my father, can you tell him I've been looking?
I wanted to ask him what's the trick
To make a man like him love me forever days
When I found him
He brushed his hand over my face 
He looked at my with said eyes and said 
"The trick is to run away."